This music video is just so sentimental for me. I don't know why but it kinda gives me the feeling of hope despite the things happening around me, but anyway I won't stress on that.
"Bituin" by Bukas Palad
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW8rQtOf7nQ
I couldn't remember how exactly old I was when I first saw this video on TV, but I can clearly remember I was already teary eyed. I remembered the same feeling I had today from what I had before, and it was HOPE, a HOPE that miraculously came from up above...you know where it goes to right?
I remember that time, I had this problem of being alone, right before my best friends (and also my playmates) Bernardine and Vicky went to Canada. I can clearly remember those time when I have to wait for the lunch time to end. I sat alone with my lunch box underneath my green long skirt to replace the presence of the chair. I was really envious of those happy faces who smile along with other people, I don't know why I couldn't talk around them. It was as if, there was a barrier among them. That's why before, I had limited friends around me. Myself was trapped around the feeling of being alone... It was so lonely. When I saw that music video, I don't know. I couldn't help but cry. Maybe because in that video the star lead to the church where the big "Belen" was placed. In the last scene, the kid suddenly was left alone in the church, and a normal kid would probably cry that time... Any kid would since it's in our human nature to want to feel a physical presence around us. Right? But she didnt. She knew she wasnt alone coz she was at Jesus' place.
So I cried. It was as if, my loneliness had been answered. All I need was Jesus Christ, because in Him I knew, I was not alone.
Years had passed I surpass that problem of mine. I became open again, met new fabulous and wonderful people. I became friends with all of them. And from that time I knew, 'I'm not alone anymore'
My lonely self, or should I say, my alter emo side, HAHA had finally passed away. I became, as today, your one and only JOY or SEL who would laugh around at anything. Would be too forward and still make fun of it. I mean, look at me now, would you see any problem with this face who loves to laugh? No, right?
Well, like you and any other people living here on earth, I, do too have problems right now. And I just couldn't show it, or if ever I did, maybe just a pinch of it, or normally I would just cry. I'm not the person who'd actually let it all out. It's like I was trained not to, since of all my entire life, I faced all these problems on my own. (Ask my mom I rarely talk about problems... or maybe I just did it for like once and the rest are like math problems.HAHA) Likewise, before, those grade school days, I did not have any friends to lean on. I only have them to laugh with. I just don't know, I couldn't trust them for some reason. Well anyway, so there. I always felt alone with these problem and it already felt normal to me. So what I usually do, is to escape with it. Escape with everything. It's the easiest and fastest way to solve problem. (Right?) That's how I cope with it. Always IT.
And today, those problems seems to haunt me, or maybe...just stayed there for years and years, and all my life I tried to escape it. Always and always escape with it.
One of these simple problems was my 'Sleeping Problem'. You know I have this weird thing going on with me when I sleep. I can only sleep WELL when I KNEW SOMEONE IS STILL AWAKE BY MY SIDE OR AT MY HOUSE OR WHEREVER. JUST THE PRESENCE OF SOMEONE BEING AWAKE. And since all of my family are fast asleep and I'm the living offspring of my parents who suffer terrible insomnia. I always ask help for my mom. Embarassing as it sounds, but yes I STILL ASK HELP FROM MY MOMMA. So yeah, I wake her up everytime I couldn't sleep anymore. Id ask her a favor to stay awake until I finally sleep.
Yesterday midnight, she was really dead tired, I semi-unconsciously woke her up on 3am, and I was really scared from that time coz you know the rumors right? Witching hour, blah blah blah. So yeah, we really had a bad argument about my sleeping problem that lead into a terrible fight which made me stayed up all night crying. And again, I felt the feeling of loneliness. I felt that I was so alone. All alone and nobody could even help me. I was freezing coz I was dead scared. I couldn't face my phobia... I always escape from it... Hours and hours I waited, wishing someone would help me, or have a miracle that God would just let me sleep in just a snap. At 4am I heard that song, that same song I had heard before, it was playing on the church right before the simbang gabi...it was "Bituin" and again, it gave me the same feeling I had before..HOPE. But from that time, I felt the other side of HOPE. I realized that, somehow, I was not alone. I was NEVER ALONE. Someone out there was still wide awake. Maybe like the girl in the music video, the "Bituin" song leads me also to Jesus. Jesus who wants to tell me, that what ever happens, wherever I might be, I'll never be alone.
Today I realized, that Christmas, is not about just decorations and all that stuff. It's the presence what matters. The presence of your family, your friends and all other people around you. Even the janitor from your school or the 'irritating' drivers if you ever attend to a school bus. Coz they, complete the emptiness of your world. They hide that empty spot in your heart. Coz they, wont ever complete the word LONELINESS. Coz even if your not aware, I know deep down inside you, they are the source of your daily life of HAPPINESS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!
[Hope I inspired anyone.HAHA]
